Now that NBA free-agency has officially begun, it seems as if speculating about Lebron James’ future home is has taken precedence over actual sports reporting in the MSM.  Here at StylePoints, we never report on anything, so this is right up our alley.  Prediction:  He’s going to Chicago.  Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, lets look at each of James’ major suitors.

Cleveland

PROS:

• Arguably the best city on Lake Erie
• James already knows the city, system and his teammates
• Keeps him in his comfort zone (he’s never lived outside Ohio)
• Small pond.  For all his global icon talk, Bron likes owning the fishbowl.  He won’t have the clout to get Braylon Edwards shipped out of NYC the way he did in Cleveland.
• He still has the chance to remake that franchise in his own image, the way Jordan did with the Bulls.

CONS

• Arguably the best city on Lake Erie
• Old and/or untalented supporting cast
• Cultural backwater
• Baltimore – crabs -The Wire- John Waters + Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
• Culture of losing.  Seriously, that town stinks of futility.

New Jersey

PROS:

• Probably moving to Brooklyn, which as a borough, is better than 99% of NBA cities
• The possibility that new Net’s owner, Mikhail Prokhorov is not above making a 100 million dollar under-the-table offer.
• Hipsters
• One of the best young bigs in the league, in Robin Brook Lopez
• Opportunity to bunk with J & B

CONS:

• Have you ever met a Nets fan?  Neither have I.
• Has to share the NY market with the likes of Jeter, A-rod, Eli, things to do other than watch sports.
• Would have to spend a fair amount of time in Newark for at least one year.
• Living in Jayson Williams’ shadow…big shoes to fill
• Culture of losing
• Supporting cast no better than Cleveland’s

New York

PROS:

• Undisputedly, the best city in the US.
• Storied franchise and arena
• The Knicks can afford to sign James and another max free-agent
• One of the most dedicated, savvy fanbases in the league
• D’Antoniball
• Opportunity to bunk with J & B
• FAO Schwartz
• The chance to become THE New York Knick

CONS:

• Most of the stuff I said about the Nets, minus the Newark, Williams, and no-fans parts.
• Kills my dream of starting “M.V.Lee”chant in the closing moments of a Knicks victory.
• Those fans will turn on him if he doesn’t meet expectations.
• His potential free-agent teammate may end up being the alpha-dog.
• No one on that current roster plays a lick of defense
• The Knicks suck

Miami

PROS:

• The Heat could potentially have the cap-space to sign THREE max free-agents
• Great young coach
• South Beach  (save your “there’s more to Miami than South Beach” talk.  You and I know that’s all basketball players care about).
• No one has established himself as the historical “face of the franchise”
• mini-Dream Team potential.

CONS:

• That’s Wade’s team.  James needs to win one as the Alpha-dog to take his place among the greats.
• Hurricanes
• Gators
• Jorts
• “White Outs”
• Reggaeton
• The very real chance that that snake, Riley will make Spolestra step down, and coach the team himself.  He’s done it before.

Chicago:

PROS

• Top-five North American city
• Talented, young core in Rose and Noah
• Could be in the position to sign two max deals
• Schwa, Hot Doug’s, Kuma’s Corner, Alinea, La Pasadita, Lou Malnatis, Tank Noodle, Ethiopian Diamond, and numerous destinations for Chicago dogs, Italian Beefs and jibaritos.

CONS

• Notoriously cheap owner.
• The occasional athlete kidnapping.
• The hawk
• Chad and Trixie
• That statue in front of the United Center